My Heart Hurts

One of my clients died this morning. Of course, i can't have favourite clients... buuut, if i did, Anna would definitely have been one of them.

My heart is sad and my whole chest hurts. But i know that she is with Jesus (and Nana!) in heaven and that helps. And her body was very sick and in too much pain, so it's for the best, i suppose.

Which leads me to rethink the whole euthanasia thing. I mean, ever since i figured out that people weren't talking about adolescents in china, i have always thought it despicable to even think about helping someone kill themself. What with slippery slopes and intrinsic human value and such, it's pretty hard to justify killing like that. But then movies like "million dollar baby"* and people like Anna come along and make you think, "hmmmm..."

Now all you fundamentalists can untwist your knickers, i would never endorse euthanasia; 'mercy-killing' is still killing, which is wrong. But i have to wonder, what's the point?!?! Anna had no reason to want to hang around this polluted fallen paradise. She was so full of cancer that it was popping out of her, quite literally. There was nothing that science or medicine could do to help. And yet, for some strange reason, she had to hang in there for months and months.

I was thinking about writing out a list of people who should be taken off this earth and another list of people who should be left to play for a while. Maybe this would help because it seems as though God gets really confused about these sorts of things sometimes. But now, i think sm is right: "yeah but [God]'s into all that grace jazz, so he's giving them [the ones left here] more chances to stop being [ugly jerk faces]"

Thanks God. I think you do know best. It's just that i really don't get it sometimes.

"Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation." ~Elton Trueblood


*i hated that movie. why on earth would i want to pay to be made sad; i can just watch the news!